It's January

Dear people who wear shorts on January 18th: Go to hell. At least there you will be dressed weather-appropriately.

Aren't you cold? Isn't it breezy? Are you aware that you look like an idiot?

I understand that you want the snow to be gone and the weather to be warm...but dressing for the occasion isn't going to help. It's the weather; not a job interview. If clothes dictated the world, I would be wearing the t-shirt to my upcoming Hollywood film....and also some sort of...sandwich shoes. I don't know. I'm hungry.

The point is, every time I saw one of you people traipsing around the Home Depot today I would do one of two things. 1) I would comment on how stupid you looked to my boss Dave, or 2) If Dave wasn't around, I would comment on how stupid you looked to you, only very quietly and after I had passed you.

I would like to initiate a new law. Shorts shall not be worn before March 31st unless the temperature exceeds 62 degrees Fahrenheit lest I call you a dweeb.

Also I hate Crete. (It's a trucking company.)