Dizzy

I'm feeling dizzy right now. If I stand up, I want to fall over. If I sit down I want to stand up, then want to fall over. If I lay down it's difficult to type, and if I can't type I can't be on the Internet. If I can't be on the Internet then why am I not standing up and making a sandwich or something? It's because I would want to fall down. Also, I just ate. I ate Chinese food. Chinese food is good, but it makes me feel a little wonky. A little tired. A little bloated. A little dizzy. I can't decide if the world is spinning around me or if my head is just spinning around with disregard to its tethered state. If I close my eyes and analyze it, I probably ave more typos because I can't see and correct them as I type. Opening my eyes now. I was right. Once again, I must stress as mentioned in a previous post, I am not British, though I used the semi-word "ave" which would be the cockney pronunciation of the word "have", and not in fact an abbreviation for the word "avenue". I'm not going to lie, I was impressed just now by my correct first-guess on how to spell abbreviation. It's not a word one uses often, and one that I wasn't sure one (I) could spell. I can. Huzzah! (I'm not a 14th century Brit.) I forgot to talk about what I was feeling when I closed my eyes to analyze the dizziness, and now I forgot the results of my analysis. I will close my eyes again. Wathch out for typos again. Okay. Eyes are now closed. Definitely the world spinning around me. Well...rotating. Clockwise. And not just twthe world, but also my body. My head is like the...what is it called...? The center point of a circle? The...I think it is just center point. Okay, so my head is the center pont of a circle and my body is like the second hand. So really my head is like the mechanical axis of a clock and my body is like the second hand. Remember, eyes closed. Tpos galore I'm sure. Opening my eyes again. Yup. Typos. Little red squiggly lines in four different places. "Ave" isn't one of those places. Must think I mean the abbreviation. Spelled it right again, without looking. I'm dizzy.

Clue

Wadsworth: This is getting serious.

I'm not Canadian.

No really. I'm not. I'm also not British. So why is there an extra "u" in the title of my blog? That's an interesting question, and one that I really have no idea how to answer.

Maybe I was just feeling particularly fancy that day. This "u" could in fact have been the literary equivalent of holding up one's pinky as one drinks one's ice cold Dr. Pepper.

Perhaps I am, in fact, just a horrible speller, and this particular mistake just made me look a little north-of-the-border rather than incompetent.

Possibly I just really like the letter. I am typically a little unselfish, so the letter "u" might naturally draw me to it.

The reality? No idea. I honestly didn't know that the spelling was alternative until about twenty minutes ago. Apparently I'm just ignorant.

Farewell My Friend

I intended to use today's post to talk about my new blog, The Heavyhearted Haikuist (http://www.sadhaiku.blogspot.com) but it will have to wait for tomorrow...because today, tragedy has struck.

A dear friend of mine died today. It's a pain that I'm having trouble coping with. I guess the easiest way to deal with it is just to explain how it all happened...

I was at work separating the transfers into each department when it happened.

He never even saw the battery acid...it came out of nowhere. I suppose he might have been screaming for help but I wasn't paying attention. I was too absorbed into my own shallow life I suppose. Maybe if I would have been more attentive...maybe if I would have acted quickly...I could have prevented it all.

The battery acid smeared across his face...and two hours later...he was disintegrating. His flesh began to tear with the slightest of ease and I could do nothing to save him.

Life goes on, as they say, but for me it will truly never be the same. He was the best damn shirt I've ever worn.

It's January

Dear people who wear shorts on January 18th: Go to hell. At least there you will be dressed weather-appropriately.

Aren't you cold? Isn't it breezy? Are you aware that you look like an idiot?

I understand that you want the snow to be gone and the weather to be warm...but dressing for the occasion isn't going to help. It's the weather; not a job interview. If clothes dictated the world, I would be wearing the t-shirt to my upcoming Hollywood film....and also some sort of...sandwich shoes. I don't know. I'm hungry.

The point is, every time I saw one of you people traipsing around the Home Depot today I would do one of two things. 1) I would comment on how stupid you looked to my boss Dave, or 2) If Dave wasn't around, I would comment on how stupid you looked to you, only very quietly and after I had passed you.

I would like to initiate a new law. Shorts shall not be worn before March 31st unless the temperature exceeds 62 degrees Fahrenheit lest I call you a dweeb.

Also I hate Crete. (It's a trucking company.)